BIG SHOT OWES BIG BUCKS

Is it really a new record if it isn’t paid for? Actually it would be 2 new records. A 22-year old bought 2 mansions in Hamburg for 6.3 million combined. Michael Wilson, a hotshot hedge fund manager from Cleveland rolled into town looking for some hot real estate, and dropped his loot on two new homes on Boston State Road (and set a new record for WNY real estate: 3.3 million for one and 3 million for the other home). Yup, Mr. Money Bags had huge plans for his new homes; a gym and racquetball court for one, and a theater, wet bar and even a waterslide to go along with his massive indoor pool for the other. Too bad he didn’t have money to pay for any of it.

When someone throws top dollar at you (literally), usually you don’t ask questions…just take the cash. But the banks should have! Wilson did pay a small chunk when closing on the house, but Business First says they found court documents saying he signed the loan but hasn’t made payments since. On top of that, he didn’t pay for all of his big renovations either…figures. He owes over $94,000 still, 4 months after they were completed. Of course, the two houses are in foreclosure, and will be auctioned off on September 1…to only a serious buyer this time.

While there are no real estate agents passing through the properties, some FBI agents have. They raided the homes looking for…well…that is still a mystery right now. Moral of the story, if it’s too good to be true, it probably isn’t true.

OH GOODY, A SCHOONER!

"It's Buffalo's missing icon, like a long lost brother come home." That was the crazy methodology a local research team came up with when a sunken wooden ship was found at the bottom of Lake Erie (near Dunkirk).

Since the discovery, this research team has been working up big plans for the long-lost schooner (that's a funny word). They want the ship to be displayed in a giant water tank at the waterfront. I say keep it in the water in the waterfront...it's much cheaper.

The team compared the ship's importance to the Liberty Bell and the Alamo (clearly they have fallen off their rocker). They have high expectations, as they put it, for this becoming a national tourist attraction. Really? Aren't there hundreds of these old shipwrecks scattered throughout the Great Lakes? Now if it doubles as a political dunk tank...then we're talkin' something cool.

If the ship is so important to Buffalo's history, a) why weren't we looking for it a long time ago? and b) why is our local icon the Buffalo and not a schooner? Yes, I think spending too much time on the water can mess with your brain functions a bit.

MAYOR DIGS CHICKS

Mayor Brown has his head cocked over a bill to allow Buffalo residents to raise chickens in their homes. I bet you're wondering how this topic even came about. Some woman made a big deal about how she wasn't allowed to raise her precious chickens in her home, so she brought the issue to the Common Council. Yup, they approved it. Probably to get her to leave them alone.

Before the city turns into a barnyard, the Mayor has decided to lay some ground rules if the bill is passed.

First, NO EXCUSES: NO ROOSTERS WHATSOEVER. Sure, they make great alarm clocks but they are vicious birds!

Second, YOU MUST ASK YOUR NEIGHBORS FOR PERMISSION. They didn't plan to live next to a farm when they bought their house, so ease them into the idea...maybe have them chick-sit for a night. If they buy the idea, you can have 5 hens.

And third, no matter how bad the economy gets, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO SELL THE EGGS (or if you're desperate for cash the meat). In other words, don't start a butcher shop in your back shed or an egg stand in your driveway.

That's not all. If you decide to dorm with your chickities, it's going to cost you 25 bucks. I still think it's easier to make a trip to KFC.

TIGER GIVES AUDIENCE A WHIFF

He who smelled it, dealt it. The most searched-for clip on Google today is champion golfer Tiger Woods breaking wind (not with his club) at the Buick Open. It would have been first on Youtube also but the PGA did not find it so funny, and threatened lawsuits if it wasn't removed. It's ok though; you can still find the best version on TMZ.com. It's really, really funny.

The nearby cameras picked up the butt thunder (it was super loud) and before you could say "what's that smell" it was all over the internet. The video shows Woods stop on the green, do the old dog leg shake trick, and then you hear the thunder roll. The muffle trick didn't work so well.

The best part of the whole thing was after he released his backdoor breeze, Tiger and his caddy started laughing about it. I guess no matter how famous or grown up someone is, a fart will always be something to giggle about. This is a desperate call for smellevision.

CAR WASH THIEF MAKES CLEAN "BRAKE"

Would you like the super plus car wash today or just the cash from my drawer?

This past weekend a man cleaned out the Delaware Ave Delta Sonic Car Wash. The 3 workers on that shift didn't stand a chance considering he had a shiny handgun and they had a hose. The robber did a full detail on the register as well as collected all the cash in the store safe. How much? A grand total of $8,450. It must have been a nice day for a car wash. For his own sake, hopefully he remembered to polish off his fingerprints or he may be spending his future days in a much dirtier place.

And speaking of stealing...would you like paper or plastic? A Sam's Club employee bagged $3,500 from the registers over a 6-month employment period. It is assumed she took about $25 a shift from the till since Jan 1 and was caught. Now she can add Grand Larceny to her resume.

TEE'D OFF...REALLY TEE'D OFF

Pulling a "Happy Gilmore" on a golf course WILL get you arrested. Case in point: A Grand Island man was arrested at a Newstead golf course Monday afternoon. Drunk and disorderly go together nicely.

The Tiger Woods wannabe was pissed off that beginner level players were learning how to play golf on a beginner level course and going "too slow" for his liking. That's when he went all Alec Baldwin on them. Just a thought...if he's so darn good, maybe he should golf with the big boys at the big links.

I'm not sure what exactly constitutes disorderly conduct on a golf course (I'm sure golf club throwing or something like that). Police say the man was intoxicated and getting loud with the other golfers. The angry golfer was issued a ticket and must appear in court. Something tells us if he was playing hooky from work, his boss will hear about this one.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN STUPID

By Christie Weber
News Reporter, Skunkpost

Naturally, when we see police lights, it’s our cue to pull over. That’s what many did Wednesday night at Canal Fest, when a 16-year-old cop wannabe with only a learner’s permit, drove around in his blue cop car look-alike, flashing over 30 emergency lights. Playtime was over when a real cop pulled him over.

Tonawanda Police were dumbfounded that people were actually pulling over for the kid. Of course they were. Did they forget what happens when you don’t pull over for a cop? It’s called jail.

The Lt. bragged about the teen’s ride. “You should see this thing when it’s lit up…it’s amazing. He’s got more lights than any police car in Western New York”. Wow.

The 16-year-old had a real (not fake like the car) firefighter helmet in the back seat of his car, but when the police checked in with the Town of Tonawanda Fire Department he said he belonged to, they denied he was a member. Something tells us he won’t be getting any letters of recommendation anytime soon.

T.O., B-LO, and…. Red Footed PJ’s?

By Christie Weber
News Reporter, Skunkpost
Someone please tell T.O. red footed pajamas are not making a comeback. Even on him, that is soo not sexy! Last night VH1 ran episode 2 of The T.O. Show…this time it was all about his first days in Buffalo. Here’s how it went down.

First, he was run over by stalker fans at the airport (it was midnight, they weren’t just “there”). The next day, our Mayor gave him the key to our city (can’t think of anyone more deserving), and he played sports anchor at Channel 7, where he did what he does best: talk about himself. Later he “whined” and dined at some fancy restaurant with big red booths (VH1 didn’t want to fork out free publicity so they have no name). There he blatantly embarrasses the hell out of the poor college kid just trying to make a living. The kid ran off camera and either cried or Terrell just got something extra special on top of his steak.

The next day of course he had to work off the food we didn’t see him eat, so he ran in some park (no plug as to which one), then up and down a football field (it looked like a high school) and then he raced up the steps of City Hall. Did anyone else find it kind of gross they kept cutting back to his bodyguard stuffing Buffalo wings down his throat?

They wrapped up the episode with a trip his annoying assistant Kita planned to Niagara Falls, since she wanted to see “the 8th wonder of the world.” Of course T.O. corrected her. “Niagara Falls is the 7th wonder. I’m the 8th wonder of the world!” Ah…that must be why he got the key to the city!

To Terrell’s surprise Kita booked an overnight at an old B&B in the falls. His reaction to the twin size beds was priceless. Guess he thought he’d be staying at a 5 star? I’m curious how much he pays her to put him through these awkward details.

The episode ended with a debate about whose jammies are more ridiculous…in one twin bed we have Kita in rainbow bright pj’s and in the other we have T.O. in red footy pajamas. He probably did it to repel crazy Kita.

Just when we thought it was going to be all about Buffalo…nope…still all about T.O.

ONE PISSED-OFF MOMMY

By Christie Weber
Reporter, Skunkpost

Ever heard the expression “If you don’t knock it off, you’re going to walk home!” from your annoyed parent? Well, it actually happened to a toddler on Tuesday. Did I mention the kid is 2½-year-old?

Police say Jamie Nestark, 26, left her toddler in the middle of Potomac Avenue and drove away. When the American Obesity Association suggested kids need more exercise, I don’t think this is what they had in mind.

When a neighbor contacted the father about the shocking incident, he explained it was not his day for visitation and that he was unaware of the situation.

CHUCK E. CHEESE’S LOSES GUNS IN AMHERST

By Christie Weber

Reporter, Skunkpost

The place where “a kid can be a kid” has lost their game license for too much violence in their arcade. Glad to see the Amherst Town Board is tackling the big issues! The legendary Chuck E. Cheese’s game license was not approved by the town board members because of recent fights that have broken out at the Harlem Road location, and more importantly the amount of “shoot and kill games” they have.

Board members apparently think Chuck E. Cheese’s is a “parenting-free” zone. They refused to approve the game license because of the amount of killing games toddlers are being exposed to. This is why kids under 4-year-old usually are accompanied by adults who have the undeniable ability to say the word “No”. What's next... amusement parks taking down the “big kid” rides because a toddler may want to try?

Among these "violent games" that caused the debate were shooting and hunting games where people, animals, zombies, and monsters are attacking or being attacked by the player. Isn’t this what Duck Hunt and “Wack-a-Gopher” are about, just in the 80's? Those were my 2 favorite games, and both could be played at Chuck E. Cheese’s. The desire to keep our kids away from violence is understandable, but they are only games, and the great thing is you can pick and choose which you want them to play.

“SANDWICHGATE” FOLLOWING JACKSON MEMORIAL

By Christie Weber
Reporter, Skunkpost

L.A. taxpayers are pissed off about the $48,000 expense toward sandwiches for the Michael Jackson memorial. But that’s not all. What’s even more bologna is the $48,000 in sandwiches fed 3,200 officers patrolling the event. The 3,200 officers were hired to patrol the expected 250,000 fans, but only 1,000 showed. A bill of $1.4 million and a public backlash has fueled a criminal investigation into deli scandal.

The sandwiches were driven in from a deli located out-of-state over 68 miles away from the Staple Center. This discovery caused a major public outrage, especially since the L.A. Subway shops have the 5-dollar foot-long special. I’d be pissed too.

The financially troubled city is now looking to AEG to front the bill. L.A. officials will not comment at this time where they are in the investigation, but foresee the “smooth criminals” involved could be facing some serious criminal and civil charges.

T.O. HAS BALLS

By Christie Weber
Reporter, Skunkpost

Au Naturel isn’t L.A.’s thing. A completely naked Terrell Owens holding a football in front of his “package” on a billboard at La Cienega and Olympic sparked complaints, including that it was placed across the street from a private elementary school. Can you imagine driving down the Kensington in the morning and seeing that? I’m sure it inspired extra outdoor exercise around that area to secretly check out his buns of steel. The ad was promoting the new VH1 reality show The T.O. Show which premiered this past Monday night.

The controversial billboard was moved by CBS Outdoor to a “way-gay friendly” section of West Hollywood, where it would be more appreciated. I don’t know how T.O. feels about that, but I’m sure he now has a whole new fan base.

HENRY GETS 3-YEAR TIMEOUT

July 15, 2009

By Christie Weber

Reporter, Skunkpost

Nine child support payments a month, totaling over $170,000 per year could stretch anyone’s budget, even if they make over $22.5 million in the NFL. This is what ex-Bill Travis Henry says drove him to fund a major drug ring, landing him 3 years in prison. The former Bills running back receives jail time behind federal bars for conspiracy to traffic cocaine, because he was “desperate and broke” as he put it.

So how did he get here? First, Henry says he “trusted” too many women, and relied on his bed-buddies to use birth control. This “trust” led to fathering 9 children by 9 different women.

Last spring, Denver Bronco’s coach Mike Shanahan and his coaching staff cut Henry from the team for practicing drugs rather than speed (MPH that is). Henry explained that his life really went into a “downward spiral” when his $40,000 in drug money was stolen from a house, shortly following losing his job. In terms of child support that’s 2.1 children for 2009! After the $40,000 went missing, Henry said he freaked out and tried his luck again in the drug business by financing a drug ring that ran cocaine between Montana and Colorado. He was busted last September during a sting operation.

But aside from all these really brainless acts, Henry is still praised as a football genius. U.S. District Judge Richard Cebull even told him during his hearing, “This is a unique case in that you are a unique individual…You’re one heck of a football player,” and then sentenced him to 3 years in jail. We hope he learns his lesson, and will try to be on best behavior when he rejoins the real world. He is expected to see life outside bars 16 months from now if he is on his best behavior.

FACETIME FOR FACEBOOK

July 21, 2009

By Christie Weber

Reporter, Skunkpost

How long have you gone today without checking your Facebook? If you are like most of America, chances are the answer is no more than three hours.

It is not only the top social networking site for June, but also has left Yahoo, Google, Microsoft, Ebay and Apple in its cyber dust. It should come as no surprise this site has become the place for anyone with a decent internet signal, and the three people left stuck in dial up. Whether at the office, home or even in your car on your cell phone, you find yourself reading what your old roommate had for breakfast this morning in your news feed. Yes- it’s called a “news” feed, although I think we all agree we find very little news on it. Facebook users secretly love to see what the people in your network are doing each time they update their profiles. Just don’t let your boss see your update about taking the afternoon off to “lounge in the pool” when you are “cold calling”. The fixation may be a yearning to know others are as miserable as you on Monday mornings? Whatever it is, America is obsessed with Facebook.

The average time spent on Facebook a day is close to 5 hours, which means you probably forgot to read up on the news, or educate yourself on things that really matter. But it’s ok-if the end of the world is nearing… someone will write it on your wall.

TERRELL OWENS: THE MAN BEHIND THE EGO

July 21,2009

By Christie Weber
Reporter, Skunkpost

He walks like T.O., talks like T.O., but is it T.O….or Terrell Owens?

Last night we got a dose of both sides of the football superstar during the premiere of The T.O. Show on VH1. The storyline is that T.O. is the controversial, cocky, big mouth we have seen on the field that he is trying to leave behind in Dallas. Terrell is the sensitive, shockingly nice guy that he’s working on bringing to Buffalo, and according to him, is just like the rest of America. Much like the rest of us, except for the $137,000 earring purchase at Tiffany & Co. on Rodeo Drive, and the house worth millions he purchased in L.A. he showed off during the premiere.

I have a confession to make. I was not a fan of Terrell Owens…great football player, infuriating egotistical man. I REALLY LIKE THE SHOW. I have my DVR SET to record every episode. As a female viewer, I have to say that the sit-ups in the driveway paid off because I couldn’t get enough of those rock hard abs. The producers need to show more of the shirtless Terrell.

It was a bit disappointing yet understandable that the only mention of Buffalo on the show last night was when Owens signed the 1-year contract with the Bills and he and his friends (two nagging long-time female friends and his bodyguard) chanted “T.O to the snow, let’s go to the snow!” Not before telling the high-class girls to “get their furry underwear out because it’s going to be cold”.

Overall, the show has exceptional humor and drama, but just like the man it’s about, you either love it or hate it. If you like Owens, you will enjoy the show. If you hate him, chances are you’ll be channel surfing, which defeats his purpose in the first place: to convince the haters of America there is a better side of himself.

Buffalo will be shown a great deal as revealed in “what’s to come on The T.O. Show”, so if the VH1 cameras caught you in action, chances are you have no place to hide now. The cameras never lie!